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SELA

  • NPD ABUSE

    The Inevitable Shame Of Narcissistic Abuse

    March 16, 2017 / 12 Comments

    See the woman in the picture? That looked like me for a very long time. There I was, distressed, ashamed and reclusive even, and getting worse every day. But it didn’t make sense; what was wrong with me? I wasn’t that old and my life should have been glamorous by any definition. I appeared to have everything any girl could ever want. So what was the problem?

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    selarockwell

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  • One of the most powerful (and difficult) lessons to be learnt in recovery from #NarcissisticAbuse is this: The only person who needs to understand and stand up for you...is YOU. It is simply not your job to teach other people how to behave. Plus emotional reactions are exactly what toxic abusers (and their fan club) thrive on, because it feeds them power by draining yours. So learn to sit back and observe, even (and especially) when reacting or explaining yourself for the millionth time is the only thing you’re compelled to do. This life experience is yours and yours alone, and you will gain a heightened perspective and carry far less pain when you learn to focus less on “doing” and more on your state of “being”. Have faith that quietly standing in your own truth is the only thing you need to do. #Ignore #Observe #NoContact #NPD #NPDAbuse #SmearCampaign #FlyingMonkeys #Narcissist #Sociopath #Psychopath #MalignantNarcissist #ToxicFamily #Scapegoat #ChildAbuse #EmotionalAbuse #PsychologicalAbuse #SaveTheChildren #ProtectYourChildren #AbuseRecovery #HealthRecovery #MentalHealth #GetHelp #PTSD #CPTSD #Educate #SpeakUp #NoFear #SurvivorCommunity #YouAreNotAlone
  • OK, so let’s talk about the fan club. The enablers. The toxic coterie. The flying monkeys. The proxy abusers. This is a particularly painful subject because in all likelihood, we were once one of them to some degree. Oh, how we defended the toxic abuser from vile accusations and vicious enemies; so great was our devotion, we might have even have taken a bullet for them. We fully believed their stories of how they needed us to support and save them. And although, in truth, the red flags were already apparent, we were properly blinded by our abuser’s relentless charm offensive. The frequent declarations of eternal love. The apparent worship, the neediness, the steady stream of compliments. The promises, the future-faking, the apologetic excuses. The endless line of dangling carrots. The well-rehearsed tears, the ones we later learn in therapy are mimicked and conjured up. It is a brilliant con, and just as we must forgive ourselves for having fallen for it, so must we forgive others. BUT, all that said...to those who overlook clear evidence of their hero’s abusive behavior, be forewarned; the abuser is only as effective their fan club’s enabling, and the universe does not forget. “The darkest places in hell are reserved for those who maintain their neutrality in times of moral crisis.” (Dante Alighieri) #Narcissist #Sociopath #Psychopath #Malignant #CoerciveControl #AbuseOfPower #Sadist #Pervert #PsychologicalAbuse #EmotionalAbuse #Danger #Cancer #NPD #NPDAbuse #ToxicFriends #ToxicFamily #ToxicEnablers #StandUp #SpeakUp #MeToo #TimesUp #IfMyWoundsWereVisible #MaybeHeDoesntHitYou #MaySheDoesntHitYou #CPTSD #PTSD #ChildAbuse #SurvivorCommunity #NoContact
  • NPDs simply don’t deal in the truth. They are utterly - and I mean, UTTERLY- devoid of morality, integrity, loyalty and sincerity. What’s more, they are deliberately, horrifically abusive, and leave lifelong psychological scars on their victims, including and especially their own children. Blunt insight from @drmartinezlewi #NPD #NPDAbuse #Narcissist #Sociopath #Psychopath #EmotionalAbuse #PsychologicalAbuse #FinancialAbuse #Bullying #AbuseOfPower #ControlFreak #Withholding #FutureFaking #SmearCampaign #PathologicalLiar #Evil #Insane #GetHelp #NoContact #ProtectYourChildren #Truth #AbuseRecovery #CPTSD #PTSD #HealthRecovery #MeToo #TimesUp #IfMyWoundsWereVisible #SurvivorCommunity #YouAreNotAlone
  • Imagine growing up in a home where one of your parents (or both) couldn’t truly love you. Where every time you looked to them for encouragement and support, you were belittled or ignored. A parent who viewed every act of independence as a threat and met each accomplishment with jealousy instead of joy. THIS is what it is like to live with a parent who is a #narcissist. Recent studies have confirmed that narcissists are incapable of truly loving anyone, including their own children. “The narcissist parent sees the child as merely a possession to be used to further their own self-interests....as long as kids cater to the narcissist’s needs and make them feel good about themselves, they’re likely to respond positively...But as kids grow up, they become stronger, more confident, more brave. Narcissistic parents see their children’s independence as a direct threat to the control they want or need over their lives...narcissists will try to deliberately sabotage their child’s sense of self-worth...common tactics they use include unhealthy competitions, guilt and blame, ultimatums, and putting their children down to try and keep the child’s confidence low...It is brutal to grow up this way...Many adult children find that the most healthy option for them is to sever the relationship altogether.” - Wise words by Joanna McClanahan for scarymommy.com. Do not take the damage that narcissists do to their children lightly; the #pain and resulting #trauma often lasts a lifetime. And DON’T be fooled by the Parent of the Year act or the fake tears; this is simply calculated impression management and has absolutely nothing to do with actual care for the child. #Sociopath #Psychopath #NPD #NPDAbuse #ChildAbuse #ChildrenFirst #SaveTheChildren #InvisibleAbuse #Abuse #GetHelp #Run #AbuseOfPower #EmotionalAbuse #PsychologicalAbuse #ProtectYourChildren #Danger #ChildhoodTrauma #PTSD #CPTSD #AbuseRecovery #ChildTherapist #IfMyWoundsWereVisible #MaybeHeDoesntHitYou #MaybeSheDoesntHitYou #AbuseByProxy #WitnessProtection #NoContact
  • “A narcissist is someone who premeditates manipulation and deceit, and they are so immensely absorbed in themselves that they have no care or regard for how their behaviour affects the people around them. The only person a narcissist cares about is his or her self...Narcissists will usually be all in or all out of a relationship. When they meet someone whom they believe they can easily energetically feed off of, they will turn into the most charming and charismatic character, and they will keep this charade going while everything is going their way. As soon as the mask drops, and the other person has seen through them, narcissists usually turn to dust and quickly move on to the next person they can work their “magic” on...Narcissists are power hungry, dominating, and extremely jealous. All of these traits are inherent in them as their ego runs the show and cannot cope if they are threatened in any way. They will go to any lengths and tread on whoever is in their way to ensure they remain at the top of their game, as they refuse to be second best in any area of their lives...Narcissists take great pleasure from seeing the destruction they cause in other people’s lives...Narcissists are compulsive liars. Lying comes so naturally to them that they often believe their own lies, which is why it can be difficult for those around them to work out what is real and what is false...Narcissists are self-obsessed, vain, superficial, and they constantly seek attention...being a narcissist is highly dysfunctional and often leaves those who are closely involved with someone with this condition with severe trauma, which can include #PTSD, #CPTSD, extreme anxiety, stress, depression, suicidal thoughts—and tragically, some people don’t survive their experience with a narcissist.” - Alex Myles, Elephant Journal. #Narcissist #Sociopath #Psychopath #NPD #NPDAbuse #EducationIsKey #AbuseIsAbuse #MeToo #TimesUp #SpeakUp #BeBoldForChange #NarcissisticAbuse #NVS #NAS #CoerciveControl #InvisibleAbuse #AbuseOfPower #NoMore #NoContact #SaveTheChildren #MentalHealth #ProtectYourself #GetHelp #EscapeAbuse #YouAreNotAlone
  • After spending your entire relationship forging a wedge between you and your friends and family, turning you against them and them against you with comparisons and conspiracies and setups...once the mask has fallen, narcissistic abusers will then actively align themselves with the same friends and family members that they had orchestrated to be at odds with the victim. Don’t despair or take the bait; instead, think of it as a general cleansing taking place in your life that is effectively washing away ALL the #ToxicPeople in your circle. Because anyone who sits on the fence and takes a neutral position in the face of #abuse (especially when there are children involved), or who sides with your abuser against you for payment and perks...or simply to join in on the abusing...has disqualified themselves from a place in your life forever. Knowing that you aren’t alone in this weird dynamic that seems to occur with all #NPD abusers and their victims in one way or another should give you some comfort. It is painful for certain, very painful...but we must learn to navigate as we go and keep the best interests of ourselves, our children and anyone who reasonably depends on us...at the forefront of everything we do. Set those boundaries, have #faith in life’s journey, and don’t waver! #NPDAbuse #NarcissisticAbuse #EmotionalAbuse #PsychologicalAbuse #Narcissist #Sociopath #Psychopath #ToxicFamily #Triangulation #SmearCampaign #PathologicalLiar #PersonalityDisorder #MentalIllness #SaveTheChildren #ChildAbuse #IfMyWoundsWereVisible #Trauma #ChildPsychologist #Scapegoat #GoldenChild #CPTSD #PTSD #GetHelp #Run #NoContact
  • This caption says it all. Sending extra love today for all ACONs (Adult Children Of Narcissists) and victims of #SiblingAbuse. #ToxicFamily #Narcissist #Sociopath #Psychopath #NPD #NPDAbuse #Scapegoat #Mobbing #GoldenChild #ChildAbuse #SaveTheChildren #ACON #ParentalAbuse #ToxicPeople #Trauma #CPTSD #PTSD #Therapy #MentalHealth #Psychotherapy #Listen #Support #GetHelp #HealthRecovery #SelfLove #NoContact #YouAreNotAlone
  • The subtle nature of psychological abuse leaves victims doubting themselves in ways many never recover from. This form of abuse is EXTREMELY DANGEROUS because it regularly drives victims to suicide or insanity by not only ruining your reputations, stealing your hard-earned assets, and sabotaging all your efforts to recover your life (God forbid you survive much less find success and happiness after escaping them), but also because it breaks you apart physically and completely isolates you from your support system. As one survivor put it recently “NPDs ought to have a registry in the same way that pedophiles do”, and I must admit that I agree. They leave far too much human wreckage in their wakes to continue to be allowed to get away with it all. So we need to keep talking about it, and talking loudly. One saving grace here is that NPDs are such cowards that they much prefer text and email to actual conversations, and this means that you will likely have reams of evidence of abuse IN WRITING. So do not be afraid to share these with your therapist and your legal team, as this can aid your #HealthRecovery as well as stand as indisputable proof of the #Abuse. The attitude of society towards #PsychologicalAbuse and #EmotionalAbuse and the devastating effects these have on a victim’s #MentalHealth and physical reality may not be where it needs to be yet, but things are certainly starting to change. #NPD #NPDAbuse #Narcissist #Sociopath #Psychopath #CoerciveControl #AbuseOfPower #CPTSD #PTSD #ToxicPeople #ChildAbuse #SaveTheChildren #Educate #WeNeedLaws #SpeakUp #BeBoldForChange #MaybeHeDoesntHitYou #MaybeSheDoesntHitYou #IfMyWoundsWereVisible #MeToo #TimesUp #Predator #Toxic #NoContact #YouAreNotAlone
  • Love is a consistent action. It’s not simply a word that when uttered somehow negates any need to follow through with a demonstration of said love. Love is caring, supporting, guiding and giving; it’s honest, dignified, respectful and empowering. Love is not bait-and-switch, push-and-pull, punish-and-reward, lies and betrayals, conditional affection, consistent disregard for your feelings, purposeful destruction of things you hold dear, persistent sabotage of your efforts....love is none of these things, ever. Love is a deliberate and consistent action that’s taken, and mere words should never be allowed to stand in its place. How long did you tell yourself: “I know he/she loves me. They tell me all the time. They even often tell others. It’s just that he/she doesn’t have the time, my needs are not as important as theirs, they’ll get around to it eventually, they just forgot, they didn’t mean it, they can’t help it, their parents never loved them, they just can’t express it, they need me, I need to do better, I need to do more, I need to help them...” Need I go on? None of this is normal or acceptable or even remotely related to love; it’s called “Intermittent Reinforcement” and it’s #Abuse. #NoMoreAbuse #ToxicLove #NPD #NPDAbuse #AbuseRecovery #Educate #CoerciveControl #AbuseOfPower #CoDependency #ClusterB #SaveTheChildren #ChildAbuse #Neglect #Trauma #ToxicParents #SmearCampaign #PickOnSomeoneYourOwnSize #PathologicalLiar #Mobbing #Narcissist #Sociopath #Psychopath #EmotionalAbuse #PsychologicalAbuse #PTSD #CPTSD #MeToo #TimesUp

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