NPD Abuse: Children
“Most abusers accord the same treatment to children and adults. They regard both as Sources of Narcissistic Supply, mere instruments of gratification – idealize them at first and then devalue them in favour of alternative, safer and more subservient, sources. Such treatment – being idealized and then dumped and devalued – is traumatic and can have long-lasting emotional effects on the child.” Dr. Sam Vaknin, Tell Your Children the Truth
"Young children of a mother or father who has Narcissistic Personality Disorder are genuine victims of their parent and the disorder—as much as any child who lives through life with an addicted parent, or one guilty of physical or sexual abuse. The narcissistic parent abuses in an intensely subtle and devious fashion: they are guilty of severe emotional and mental abuse, and no one outside of the family would ever suspect anything wrong."
"Narcissistic parents may or may not be openly abusive, but they’re almost certainly emotionally tone deaf, too preoccupied with their own concerns to hear our pain. Because emotionally sensitive children who long for love can’t simply walk out the door and find a new family, they often nurture hope by sacrificing their self-esteem."
"Narcissistic parents demand that you agree with them or else they'll reject you, because being challenged to them means they are not loved. Therefore, adult children of narcissists experience love that’s conditional only."
"The behaviors narcissistic fathers consider disrespectful and insulting—independent thinking, assertion of autonomous beliefs, judgments and opinions, and expression of personal likes and dislikes—are the very things most fathers praise and encourage in their kids. Children in these environments have no rights and no voice. Their fathers consider themselves lords and masters over their families. All decisions are to be made by them, no questions asked."
"It is virtually impossible to truly co-parent with someone who has no understanding of teamwork. Instead, you need to focus on co-parenting in spite of a narcissist, with an emphasis on insulating yourself and your children from the narcissist's manipulation and rage."
"Children are regarded as appliances by us. There is no distinction made for the fact that they are children nor that we are their parent. We see children as appliances and devices which are extension of ourselves and therefore there to do our bidding. You should never be under any illusion that a narcissistic parent loves the child. Do not be fooled into thinking that any benign act exhibited by our kind is a manifestation of love towards a child. It is not."
"Narcissistic parents create tension among all family members, and sometimes it's very covert tension, but it is at a chronic level. They will triangulate siblings, they spin stories, they tell half truths, and you start to notice the pattern, just like in a romantic relationship, of how they create that chaos."
"Some abusers are jealous of their offspring. They envy them for being the center of attention and care. They treat their own kids as hostile competitors. Where the uninhibited expression of the aggression and hostility aroused by this predicament is illegitimate or impossible – the abuser prefers to stay away. Rather than attack his children, he sometimes immediately disconnects, detaches himself emotionally, becomes cold and uninterested.."
"Narcissists don’t love their children. They use them to prop up their egos if they perceive that a particular child can add to their perfect image. In this case the child is indulged. The rest of the kids are cast aside and neglected or treated abysmally."
"Narcissistic parents beget kids with a whole host of psychological problems. One thing I can guarantee you is [children of narcissists] will be plagued by doubt and insecurity the rest of their lives.
The question is how that is going to manifest.”
