Narcissistic Abuse - Emotional, Mental, Physical Abuse of Children

Narcissistic Abuse & Children

A parent’s role is to love, protect, support and guide their children. Narcissistic parents do none of those things. They are either absent, devoid of emotion, lacking in communication, with no active involvement; or possessive and controlling, treating their children as objectified extensions of themselves. Narcissistic parents are very dangerous to their children because their abusive behavior can damage mental and physical health. At their core, these parents are always selfish, often cruel, and frequently arrogant aggressors who bully and take advantage of vulnerable children—children who want and need their love.

The safety and wellbeing of children supersede parental rights.

"Young children of a mother or father who has Narcissistic Personality Disorder are genuine victims of their parent and the disorder—as much as any child who lives through life with an addicted parent, or one guilty of physical or sexual abuse. The narcissistic parent abuses in an intensely subtle and devious fashion: they are guilty of severe emotional and mental abuse, and no one outside of the family would ever suspect anything wrong."

"Being raised by a narcissistic parent is emotionally and psychologically abusive and causes debilitating, long-lasting effects to children. It is often missed by professionals, because narcissists can be charming in their presentation, displaying an image of how they wish to be seen. Behind closed doors, the children feel the suffocation of self and struggle with loneliness and pain. The narcissist is not accountable for their own mistakes or behavior, so the child believes they are to blame and that they flunked childhood."

"Most abusers accord the same treatment to children and adults. They regard both as Sources of Narcissistic Supply, mere instruments of gratification – idealize them at first and then devalue them in favour of alternative, safer and more subservient, sources. Such treatment – being idealized and then dumped and devalued – is traumatic and can have long-lasting emotional effects on the child."

"Very unhealthy parents don't have normal hopes for their children to suceed in life. Some toxic parents will even go so far as to sabotage a child's personal development and growth. Why? The toxic parent sees the child as a threat to their own ego and having the child overshadow the parent is not an option in their mind. In order for an adult survivor to heal and move forward, they will need to work through the subconscious messages that they are not allowed to dream big and reach their goals."

Chronic selfishness and parenting are incompatible.

Narcissistic parents have no respect for children's boundaries.

"When a survivor is dealing with a family member or members who are toxic, there is one priority that must be placed above all other priorities and that is keeping the survivor's own children from experiencing any form of harm while in contact with toxic family members."

"Narcissistic parents may or may not be openly abusive, but they’re almost certainly emotionally tone deaf, too preoccupied with their own concerns to hear our pain. Because emotionally sensitive children who long for love can’t simply walk out the door and find a new family, they often nurture hope by sacrificing their self-esteem."

"It is virtually impossible to truly co-parent with someone who has no understanding of teamwork. Instead, you need to focus on co-parenting in spite of a narcissist, with an emphasis on insulating yourself and your children from the narcissist's manipulation and rage."

"Narcissists don’t love their children. They use them to prop up their egos if they perceive that a particular child can add to their perfect image. In this case the child is indulged. The rest of the kids are cast aside and neglected or treated abysmally."

The child of a narcissistic parent is emotionally orphaned.

A narcissistic parent will publicly boast about a child's achievements while also abusing them in private.

Narcissistic parents often pit siblings against each other.

"Narcissistic parents beget kids with a whole host of psychological problems. One thing I can guarantee you is [children of narcissists] will be plagued by doubt and insecurity the rest of their lives. The question is how that is going to manifest.”

"Abused children have been taught that love can coexist with abuse. This shapes our adult perceptions of love. As we would cling to the notion that those who hurt us as children loved us, we rationalize being hurt by other adults by insisting that they love us."

"Narcissistic parents create tension among all family members, and sometimes it's very covert tension, but it is at a chronic level. They will triangulate siblings, they spin stories, they tell half truths, and you start to notice the pattern, just like in a romantic relationship, of how they create that chaos."

"Adult children of narcissistic parents have the right to progress, grow, and thrive in their lives. They have the right to love and honor themselves. They have the right to psychological freedom and inner peace. As long as they allow their parents to have a toxic hold on them, none of these rights will be attainable."

The child of a narcissistic parent often won’t feel seen or heard, their feelings and reality won’t be acknowledged, and they’ll be treated like an accessory. They will be notably more valued for what they do and for how they serve the toxic parent than for who they are as a person.

No matter how devoted the children are or how hard they try to please, nothing they do or have done ever gets credited to them, and they are forever held in debt or viewed with contempt. Children who experience abuse often don’t understand what is happening and suffer in silence, and the damaging effects of this silent abuse will leave lifelong scars.

Parents or caregivers on the spectrum for Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) will generally resent having to tend to a child’s basic needs. They may speak badly about the child, never touch or hold them affectionately, or show little or no regard for the child at all. Narcissistic parents will also easily feel jealous of their children or threatened by their autonomy, especially as the children approach their teen years.

Adult children of narcissistic parents can find themselves trapped between maintaining an unhealthy relationship with an aging, yet disrespectful, stalking, slandering, harassing parent and being judged by extended family, friends and acquaintances if they choose to cut off all contact with the abusive parent. But when emotionally, psychologically or physically abused children grow up, they may have no choice but to end the relationship with the abusive parent.

A narcissistic parent is frustrated by a healthy, independent child that they can't easily manipulate.

"Sometimes the most dangerous thing for kids is the silence that allows them to construct their own stories — stories that almost always cast them as alone and unworthy of love and belonging."

"Narcissistic parents demand that you agree with them or else they'll reject you, because being challenged to them means they are not loved. Therefore, adult children of narcissists experience love that’s conditional only."

Narcissistic parents will deliberately provoke a child to react negatively.

Sometimes the only way to keep a child safe is with NO CONTACT.

"Some abusers are jealous of their offspring. They envy them for being the center of attention and care. They treat their own kids as hostile competitors. Where the uninhibited expression of the aggression and hostility aroused by this predicament is illegitimate or impossible – the abuser prefers to stay away. Rather than attack his children, he sometimes immediately disconnects, detaches himself emotionally, becomes cold and uninterested."

"The behaviors narcissistic fathers consider disrespectful and insulting—independent thinking, assertion of autonomous beliefs, judgments and opinions, and expression of personal likes and dislikes—are the very things most fathers praise and encourage in their kids. Children in these environments have no rights and no voice. Their fathers consider themselves lords and masters over their families. All decisions are to be made by them, no questions asked."

"Children are regarded as appliances by us. There is no distinction made for the fact that they are children nor that we are their parent. We see children as appliances and devices which are extension of ourselves and therefore there to do our bidding. You should never be under any illusion that a narcissistic parent loves the child. Do not be fooled into thinking that any benign act exhibited by our kind is a manifestation of love towards a child. It is not."